


The Christmas Play

by kyrrann



Series: Mass Effect Drabbles [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Christmas, Comedy, F/M, Snow, Snowball Fight, Weather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-29
Updated: 2016-06-29
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:02:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7341916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyrrann/pseuds/kyrrann
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A comical story about what happened the year Shepard was asked to be guest director of the annual Christmas show for Citadel orphans.</p><p>MEFF Facebook group drabble challenge.  The prompt was "weather".</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Christmas Play

“This is ridiculous,” grumbled Garrus as Shepard put reindeer antlers on his head. “I’m not doing it.”

“Yes, you are,” Shepard insisted. “It’s for the kids who have lost parents to the war. To help take their mind off of things.”

“But isn’t the point not to horrify them?” he said as she slipped some knitted gloves that were supposed to look like hooves onto his hands.

“Stop being so dramatic,” she chided. “Here, put this around your neck.”

Garrus looked at the jingle bell harness that Shepard had made especially for him to wear.

“No,” he protested.

“Garrus,” she pleaded. “It’s for the children!”

“No,” he replied, trying to sound more forceful.

“If you don’t put that on, they will never believe you are pulling Santa’s sleigh,” she said. Garrus didn’t look convinced, so she decided to switch tactics. Wrapping her arms around his neck she kissed him and cooed “For me? I’ll make it up to you later.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” he stared into her eyes, “the answer is still no. Besides, I’m not sure who this Santa guy is, but there is no way he looks like Wrex.”

“Close enough,” she said. “Once he’s in the hat and beard, you’ll never tell the difference.”

“Fine, if you can get Wrex to agree to wear the that, I’m in,” he offered.

“Have it your way,” she said, smiling mischievously.

“Hey Wrex!” she called out. “Get in here, it’s almost showtime! Steve and James have almost finished singing the opening number.”

From the sounds he could hear on stage, Garrus wasn’t sure he would classify what he heard as singing. At that moment, Wrex exited his dressing room in a full Santa costume that not only included the hat and beard, but a wig of white locks atop his head.

“I...can’t...even,” said Garrus, starting at the monstrosity in front of him. Shepard took the opportunity to throw the jingle bell harness over his head. She quickly kissed him on the cheek and Garrus resigned himself to fate.

She rushed off to usher Tali and Liara, dressed as carolers from 19th century England onto the stage. Tali still had to keep her envirosuit on, so she looked rather absurd in the get up. But no one wanted to disappoint Shepard. She was so excited when they asked her to be the guest director of the annual Christmas show for Citadel orphans. They were already on shore leave and with all the pressure she was under to save the galaxy, it was good to see her having so much fun.

“Don’t say a word,” Wrex muttered at Garrus. “Not. A. Word.”

“What happened Wrex,” Garrus asked, “did you lose a bet?”

“Yeah, well, it looks like I’m not the only one,” he retorted.

From the other side of the room they heard Shepard call out, “I need more snow! The stuff we made earlier is starting to melt. This is the North Pole, dammit! I need a blizzard!” 

“Wait a minute! That stuff is real? It thought we were using the fake stuff,” he said. “No wonder it is so damn cold in here.”

“The head of the Citadel Atmospheric Services owed me a favor,” she replied with a huge grin on her face. “Real snow, can you believe it? I haven’t seen this stuff in years!”

“Remind me to put warning signs up so people stop playing poker with Shepard,” Garrus muttered.

Wrex grunted in agreement.

Garrus peeked through the curtain. “You do realize that Grunt is down at the bottom of the stage building a snow fort in his elf costume, right?”

“It will just add to the atmosphere. Now, come on you two! You’re up!” Shepard pushed them past the curtain and onto the stage.

Garrus sighed. Sensing defeat, he trotted out on stage with his bells ringing and Wrex following behind in his “sleigh”, which was nothing more than a cardboard cutout with the letters S-A-N-T-A painted on it.

“Hello children. My name is Prancer and I am one of Santa’s reindeer.” Garrus recited stiffly. “Look Santa! It’s snowing here at the North Pole.”

“Ho, ho, ho!” Wrex roared. “I hope you have all been good boys and girls this year. If not, I think I’m supposed to have my elves feed you to a thresher maw or something.”

The audience fell silent. Garrus looked at Wrex, mouth agape.

“Hey you! Ugly reindeer!” Wrex continued. “Have a carrot and sing me a song or something.”

Wrex reached into his sack, pulled out a large carrot and lobbed it at Garrus’ head. The audience erupted in laughter.

“Have you been drinking?” Garrus whispered to Wrex.

“Just a little,” Wrex responded in a loud voice, followed by a hiccup. “You didn’t expect me to do this sober, did you? Now sing little reindeer!”

Garrus didn’t have time to react before Grunt, who had apparently been at the same bar as Wrex before the show, tackled Wrex and shouted “Santa!”

The snow was slippery and the next thing Garrus knew, a giant ball of snow covered Krogan was headed straight for him. He let out an alarmed scream and tried to get out of the way. Unfortunately, he tumbled right into the snowman that Tali and Liara were standing next to, flattening them into a mound of snow.

Tali stood up and and threw a snowball at Garrus who, for the first time in his life, ducked. It sailed past him and landed in the back of James’ head. James, sensing a challenge, picked up a snowball and fired back, but he overshot and the snowball flew through the back curtain where he heard it smack into Kaidan with a loud “thwack”. Soon the entire stage descended into utter and complete chaos with squeals of delight coming from the kids in the audience.

By the time Shepard got the curtain closed, the entire crew was wet, cold and covered in snow. A silence descended upon them as they noticed Shepard standing there, arms crossed and not looking at all amused. They braced themselves for the worst.

“And you call yourself soldiers?” she started, looking stern. A huge smile crept across her face. “Because you all look completely ridiculous! Glyph, take a picture. I want this all over the extranet.” She doubled over in a fit of laughter, tears streaming from her eyes. 

“Hey Shepard!” Garrus called out, giving the rest of the crew a knowing look.

She stopped long enough to look up and see a dozen snowballs flying at her followed by a very large carrot.

“Duck!” shouted Garrus as the snowballs exploded, covering her in snow.


End file.
